Just a normal NYC weekend

Hi –

Did you know that I have quite a lot in common with Simba from The Lion King. Once you get past the whole rightful air to the Pride Land, and King of the Jungle thing he’s really just a normal Lion. Dealing with the all too sudden and far to soon death of his father.

There was this super cheesy moment during the show when Simba is looking up into the sky’s, trying to see his dad in the stars, and he sings the following…

“Wait

There's no mountain too great

Hear these words and have faith

Have faith

They live in you

They live in me

They're watching over

Everything we see

In every creature

In every star

In your reflection

They live in you”

I was moved.

Lion King really is amazing though. I’ve wanted to see it since I moved here, and it definitely lived up to the hype. Watching all the people maneuver the puppets was amazing. They had this huge elephant that walked down the aisle. I think it took 4 people to make it happen, it was awesome. It’s also the first show I’ve seen that was meant for Kids, and to see their faces light up was very exciting.

I had a really good time with Dad this weekend. I think we are finally getting back to our rhyme. I think we would both admit that it has been a bit off since everything. It’s nice to have it back.

We went out to Rabs on Saturday night. Like always I hung out at Lulu’s with Lizzie for  a while. I really do love it there. It’s very warm and inviting. Plus there’s something to be said for being surrounded by nice clothes all the time. Boosts a person’s self-esteem.

I went out with Lizzie and while we were hanging out with her friends she whips out the ‘Proust Questionnaire’ that they have all filled out 5 years earlier. They were all cracking up reading their answers. Lizzie had written down that one of her favorite names was Stella. Pretty cool if you ask me.  After a couple drinks I filled it out myself. Of course that one is in Lizzies book. I googled the questionnaire and here you go…

- Your favorite virtue - humility

- Your favorite qualities in a man – sense of humor, intelligence, great back

- Your favorite qualities in a woman. – sense of humor, intelligence

- Your chief characteristic - considerate

- Your favorite occupation - Singer

- Your idea of happiness – being surrounded by friends and family always laughing

- Your idea of misery – Never finding love

- If not yourself, who would you be – someone doing something extraordinary

- Where would you like to live - in a giant house with a big yard for my kids and dogs to play in

- Your favorite color and flower – color of red wine, Lilies

- Your favorite prose authors. – Shel Silverstein

- Your favorite poets – Shel Silverstein

- Your favorite heroes in fiction – the Tree from The Giving Tree

- Your favorite heroines in fiction – The nanny from Adventures of Babar

- Your favorite painters and composers – Billy Joel

- Your favorite heroes in real life – my dad

- Your favorite heroines in real life  - my mom

- What characters in history do you most dislike – those who persecuted others for being different

- What is your present state of mind - sadness

- Your favorite food and drink – anything-involving cheese and alcohol

- Your favorite names – Ryan for a girl, Hannah, Jacob

- What I hate the most – being inconsiderate

- Your favorite motto – Don’t sweat the small things

We also played this other ‘intellectual’ drinking game called ‘The Cube.’ Where you are told to close your eyes, and then are asked questions and you are building a picture in your mind. What you build says something about you. What I saw was – a clear cube that is on the desert ground, there is a ladder laying next to it on the ground made out of wood. A white normal sized horse is peacefully walking across my picture in the middle ground, not hitting the box. Far away you can see a rainstorm brewing.

I have no idea what it says to me. I never got to hear my ‘fortune’. I’ll have to Google it at some point.

I’m going to crawl into bed now though, and watch the special post Superbowl episode of Glee.

Love you forever, Miss you always

Rachel

“Where has the starlight gone?

Dark is the day

How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream

Lost to the night

Father, I feel so alone

You promised you'd be there

Whenever I needed you

Whenever I call your name

You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on

Just waiting to hear your voice

One word, just a word will do

To end this nightmare

When will the dawning break

Oh endless night

Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side

Guiding my path

Father, I can't find the way”

Random Thought

Hi –

Not sure why but I was compelled to Google ‘grief’ tonight. Now that grief and I have an intimate relationship, I find myself trying to remember what I used to think this moment would be like. In my mind growing up I always used to play the game, how would I react if ‘X’ happened. I don’t think I ever played this specific version out in my head, but I can tell you its not what I expected – even though I have no way of accessing what my expectations were.  Dad used to always try to get me to do that. After something happened in which there was a lot of planning or waiting, after it was all over, he would ask me to remember what my expectations for the event were – and I never could.

Back to grief though – on the Google health page the definition is, “Grief is a reaction to a major loss. It is most often an unhappy and painful emotion.” Pretty clear cut and impersonal. If you keep reading the page it says, “Everyone feels grief in their own way. However, there are certain stages to the process of mourning. It starts with recognizing a loss and continues until a person eventually accepts that loss.” This is where I think it gets interesting – define accepts?

Acceptance is never defined. In any of the stuff I’ve read, any of the conversations I’ve had, time I spent thinking to myself – this holy grail of acceptance is always talked about, but never defined. How will I ever know if I’ve gotten there?

(Now queue up Whitney’s ‘How Will I Know?’ and you’ll have your glance into my head)

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

Coming to you from Mid-flight. Thank you Delta and Google Chrome!

Hi –

I’m currently sitting in seat 13F on Delta flight 2079 flying home. Today is exactly 4 months later, and I’m on my way home. It’s actually a bit poetic. Especially because I’ve had quite the perfect day. I woke up and leisurely got ready to leave for the airport – I wasn’t rushed at all. As soon as I stepped outside my apartment a cab pulled up. When I got to the airport the person who checked my bags scale was broken so she didn’t weigh my bag (which I’m sure was over 50 pounds). As I was waiting in the insanely long security line I was picked to move to a lane that just opened and made it through rather quickly. And now the middle seat in my row is empty. I would say it’s the polar opposite of the last time I was headed home. Here’s hoping this feeling of calm carries its way through my two-week stay.

Should be a good if not insanely busy and super interesting two weeks. The first event I’m going to is Dee and Phillip’s Annual Hanukkah party. I’ve never been to once before but I hear they are quite the party. Something about shots and guitar hero I think. I’m slightly worried I’ll be somewhat of an animal on display, as I tend to be in big event situations lately. ‘That’s her. It was her mom, Phillips sister’. I’m hoping for none of that. At least Randi will be there. We can hide in a corner together, perhaps in the home theater. That would be perfect actually.

I have a headhunter meeting on Monday. I’m looking forward to it actually. Hopefully it will lead to some interviews if not an actual job. The one thing though is I did such a number on my big toe the other night that wearing heels is going to prove difficult. I’m sure Dad will yell at me once he gets a glimpse of it. I had no idea what I had done though until it was already finished. It’s bad. The worst I’ve ever done. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Sara and I came up with a really funny joke earlier today. I sent her a picture of the Christmas tree that dad bought – which is HUGE by the way. She asked me how many Rosenthal’s did I think it was going to take to get the star on top. I told her non. It was going to take one Lamonica or one Waldstein. I thought it was funny.

I have about an hour left on my flight. I’m going to go listen to my carefully constructed play list that I put together.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

“I could swear by your expression

That the pain down in your soul

Was the same as the one down in mine.”