Because you’ve gotta eat….

Hi,

God. I just miss you. That's all. I. Just. Miss. You. I'll be in my head, driving along, thinking about what to eat for dinner and the song changes and the key is just perfect that I run smack into the wall. And it's crippling. And I start to tear up and I realize. Fuck. You're gone. Just gone.

Then in a flash it's gone. I've convinced myself that giving into that dark place where all I see is blackness is not ok. So I suck the tears back into my head. Check the mail. And the climb the stairs to my apartment. Because its time for dinner.

Love you forever, miss you always

Rachel

Hi Crutch.

Heyo –

Definition time:

Crutch n.

1. A staff or support used by the physically injured or disabled as an aid in walking usually designed to fit under the armpit and often used in pairs.

2. A forked leg rests on a sidesaddle.

3. A device used for assistance or support; a prop: a mnemonic crutch.

4. The crotch of a person or an animal.

5. A forked device or part.

Hmmmm….not sure that was what was meant. Seeing as how I haven’t broken or injured myself physically recently.

Lets try this one:

Emotional Crutch n.

Something that provides help and support and which you depend on, often too much

That sounds better. Lets use it in a sentence, ‘Some people feel that writing to you, here on this blog, is a crutch.’

Well, the sentence makes sense. But doesn’t really apply to me. Especially seeing as how it’s been a rather long time since I last wrote. Not because I haven’t had anything to say. But because I talk to you while I’m driving now. Wonder what that means. Is the time I spend alone in my car going back and forth to work my crutch now?

I could go in circles on this. Luckily I’m tired and it was a pretty crazy day. Just wanted to pop in a say Hi. Crutch. So, Hi!

Love you forever, Miss you always.
Rachel