Hi –
Whelp, something’s a
brewing.
So, I think I’ve been
going about this life thing a little wrong. I don’t exactly have a plan. Like a
loosely based this is how I want my life to play out plan. I have a ‘one day I’d
like to have a job I like to go to, a family I like to come home too, in a
house I like’ type of plan. But
this extremely loosely based plan of mine does not involve a specific job, or
even a specific field of interest. It doesn’t lie out which city I would like
to live in, or what I want this man of mine to look like. It’s pretty much a 3-sentence
outline on a blank piece of paper.
And it scares the shit out of me.
The news of the day,
week, and month right now is that Meridith is headed for an adventure. The best
kind. One she’s wanted for a long time, and will be amazing at. It will be
filled with different cities, different people, different languages, but magic
too. Disney magic no less, so the best kind. So yes, she’s off on an adventure.
We were at dinner the other
night, a whole slew of us, and the idea of ‘Threshold Moments’ was brought up.
That Meridith is at the edge of one. That in turn I’m at the edge of one as
well. I’m at a place where I can write the next sentence of my outline. I can
decide if this is the city for me. Or if it’s a different one. I can decide if
this is the job, or not. Or if I should even be in this field or not.
Stopping and trying to
figure all this stuff out is actually harder then living whatever this
half-existence I’m currently living is. The one I didn’t outwardly chose but
somehow happened to me. The one I’m
desperately trying to right.
The other interesting
thing that happened at dinner was I looked around the table and realized that
the handful of us share a lot of the same ‘Threshold Moments.’ The good ones and the bad ones, and the
ones we didn’t see coming till they were behind us. That’s what makes a family
a family, ‘Threshold Moments.’
Quite possibly the
biggest ‘Threshold Moment’ is you being gone. I think I’m still trying to
figure out how to deal with that life altering, gut wrenching, punch me in the
stomach and I can’t get up ‘Threshold Moment’. 2 plus years later maybe I’ll
finally figure it out. Wish me luck!
Love you forever, miss
you always.
Rachel
