It's been a week

Dear Mom,

Its been a week, and sometimes I think its a lie. If I close my eyes and listen I can hear you puttering around the kitchen. I sat in the backseat of your car today with Dad in the passenger seat and Matt driving, but I swear for a minute if someone had asked me I would have said it was you driving. It felt just like every other time we drove home from anywhere.

It's been 11 days since I spoke to you last and that might be the longest ever. So much has happened in the last 11 days that I want to tell you. You were the person that when something happened I wanted to call. So here is where I will tell you those things.

For starters Grandma and Uncle Phillip are talking and laughing and hugging each other. Its weird. But it's what you've always wanted so at least there is that.

Trisha was on the 4th hour of the Today show today. She looked good, but her hair was doing this weird thing.

Everything else at the moment revolves around what happened. I'm still not quite sure I understand exactly. One minute you were there and then literally you were gone. My entire life is different now. Everything about it. I can't tell you how many times in the last week people have told me how much I am like you. Which I always knew, I mean you did raise me. But i guess they mean the strength I've showed in the last days. I'm not strong though, not in the least. I'm just living in denial and I'm sure one day it will come smacking me in the face.  Hard probably.

When people ask me how I am i tell them that - I've made myself a nice house on the island of denial. Rab and Randi are with me. We have a pool and a cabana boy. Sara is visiting, but she has school soon so she'll be leaving.  And there I will stay for a while i guess.

Love you forever,
Rachel*