Take my hand, and I’ll show you the way

Hola –

I’m sure you already know this, because she’s probably sitting next to you with a glass of wine in her hand, but Nona passed away yesterday. Carly put a really good quote as her Facebook status - "...And all the generations gathered around her...& held her close / And they would have blocked the light if they had not come filled with their memories of love."

I think it’s this weird moment in everyone’s life right now. They can’t help but compare Nona’s passing to yours. The expected vs. unexpected, the natural progression of ones life vs. stolen time, calm acceptance vs. shock and anger. I think there is also some guilt floating around because she’s finally at peace, the sisters are at peace, as well as the grandkids. And you can’t but be happy and somewhat relieved for that fact, but sad that the once beautiful and vibrant Nona is gone.

I’m going to fly down there tomorrow for the weekend. Its important to me, and what I want to do, so I’m doing it. It might be slightly silly and a bit unneeded when all is said and done, but it feels right to me – so I’m going. Plus any excuse to go to Orlando for the weekend I’m taking.

When you first died I had read a bunch of articles and things and they all talked about how no matter your age – losing your mother is the greatest loss a woman can feel, besides losing a child. Because even though you might be a full grown woman with a full life of your own, your still someones daughter. And even though you will always be a daughter, in that moment you feel like your not anymore; that part of what defined you is gone. No matter how irrational its sounds you no longer feel like so and so’s daughter. You’re just so and so now. So that’s part of my driving force – to give Kahni a hug. A been there, done that, let me show you the way hug.

And of course the other reason I’m going is so that in the morning I can crawl into Carlys super comfy bed once Richard vacates and lay there with her and watch the History Channel.

So yeah I’m off to Orlando for the weekend if the snow allows, too show them all the way.

Love you forever, Miss you always

Rachel

“Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?”

“Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?”