Funk master funk, reporting for duty.

Hi –

I’ve noticed that everyday on my way home, after I’ve cleared the office radius and the crap of the day, I'm consumed with thoughts of you. It’s a subconscious thing for sure. It always starts with wanting to tell you about my day, and then quickly goes down hill from there. I usually just fixate on the fact that you’re gone, and I’m not quite sure what to do next. I’m not quite sure how to go on honestly. 

I usually snap myself out of the thoughts and questions swirling around my head, somewhere between the mailbox and the hallway in front of my door. Today though, I couldn’t shake the thoughts or the funk. I should learn to roll with the funk and the tears and the depression, but I can’t. For some reason I feel compelled to push everything down and let it fester. It’s going to be awesome later in life I'm sure.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve made my self a resident of the land of anger in the last few weeks. I’m not 100% sure who I’m angry at, or who I want to direct it too, or where its coming from- or anything about it really.  I just know I’m angry. I'm angry about the rest of my life. I’m angry you wont be apart of it. I’m angry this happened to me. I’m angry I dialed your office number on accident today. I’m angry the security question for everything in life is ‘What’s your mothers maiden name.’ Like I said – I’m angry.

Guess that puts me one step closer to that elusive acceptance I’ve heard so much about.

Love you forever, Miss you always

Rachel