First day, of the last month, of the year.

Hi –

Today is the beginning of the last month of the year that had some amazing highs and some lows of epic proportion. Lows I thought would never happen. For some reason that’s all I’ve been able to think about today.

I want to say this has been the worst year of my life. – It will always be the year I lost you. But Kalel was born, and Matt and Lauren got married.  It’s this weird dichotomy.  I would love nothing more than the last 4 months of my life back. To some how walk down a different street, bump into a different stranger, make any movement small or large that would some how change what happened. My thinking is that Matt and Lauren were already married, and Kalel was clearly already on his way here so only asking for the last 4 months back is reasonable. Only long enough to change this one thing.  What do you think?

Another thing that I’ve been doing is when I get asked (or just think) what I want for Hanukkah; my gut response is to say “you.” I always stop myself though.

Honey, Matt, and myself put up our Christmas tree tonight, it looks pretty good if I do say so myself. 

I paid close attention to how Honey put the lights on the tree seeing as how I’m going to need to know for the tree we do at the house. I’m actually looking forward to it, which I think surprises some people. Seeing as how I’m usually very anti. I think Dad and I will have a lot of fun doing it though. I giggle when I picture us walking down the aisles of Target trying to figure out what would look nice, but really having no clue.  It will be quite the adventure.

Love you forever, miss you always.
Rachel