"Down the rabbit hole", a metaphor for adventure into the unknown

Hi –

The Oprah from yesterday was really good. It was Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman talking about their various projects at the moment. Oprah saw an advanced screening of ‘Rabbit Hole’ and she said it was really good. I really want to see it, but I can tell it’s going to be a huge tearjerker. There is this one scene in the trailer where Nicole’s character is at grief counseling for losing her child and someone says ‘G-d just needed another angel.’ And Nicole’s response is ‘he’s G-d, why didn’t he just make one himself.’ And its totally right, why doesn’t he? Why do people use that for as a platitude for what just happened? It doesn’t work, believe me.

Oprah also said ‘Rabbit Hole’ was kind of funny and you know what death is sort of funny. It's the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened to me. You were a healthy woman, there's no reason for it.

You find yourself doing and saying things you normally wouldn't. And everyone let's you get away with it because your mom just died. It's weird. I never pushed it to see how far I could have taken it, but I'm sure it would have been far.

Then when you make a joke or laugh or act normal people think it's too soon, they might look at you in a different way. Any joke you say or make about the person people get appalled and don't know how to respond.  There has been more than one occasion where I just wanted to blurt out ‘my moms dead’ in the middle of a conversation. I’m sure that would have gone over well.

The things that were normal about your life no longer are. If you were the one in your friend group who was the one everyone could lean on or go to for advice it stops immediately. No one wants to burden you or add to your problems. Funny thing is you being dead isn’t a problem it's a fact of life and it's not changing. You being gone doesn't mean that all my personality traits are gone. I’m still the same person; just have some scars and battle wounds.

It's all just really strange and a little bit funny.

Love you forever, miss you always.

Rachel

“I’ve grown tired of holding this pose


I feel more like a stranger each time I come home”