Social interactions are for the birds

Hi Mom -

In between episodes of Sons of Anarchy Meridith and I went to dinner with Lindsay, Amy, and Kelly - the fantastic trio. It was quite possibly one of the most awkward encounters ever. Everyone feeling like they should say something heartfelt or meaningful. Me feeling hoping they wouldn't say anything at all and we could just move on past it. It’s a vicious cycle. Dad says its gets better with each time you hang out with the same people. Too bad I won’t be seeing them again - but I'll be seeing a ton of new people back in NYC. I sure can't wait for that.

It’s just such a bizarre, weird, awkward, fill in your choice synonym, situation to be in. I'm sitting around this table of people who think they are affected by this event but they really have no idea. My entire life just changed, took a flying leap in a completely different direction, and they think they can understand. I get that they are trying to be sympathetic and help but it sort of falls short a bit. 

I can feel judgment coming across the table with the way I'm dealing I suppose. They have no idea though, no concept of what this is like. Neither do I for that matter. Its not like I’ve been here before. Or read a book about it. I'm just making my way through the best I can. And if it’s by cracking jokes then so be it. What’s the saying - If you can't laugh, you'll be crying. Or something along those lines. It’s either one or the other. And right now laughing is the path I’m taking, because I have a feeling I’ll be doing quite a bit of crying sometime soon.

Dad went back to bowling tonight. He was in a bit of pain - but I think its more using muscles he hasn’t used in a long time pain. And less he can't bowl any more pain. Only time will tell I suppose. I'm glad he went though - at least now he has a weekly activity to do. Something to focus on. Who knows. He seemed to be excited about it - before he went anyway. He might feel differently in the morning though, we shall see.

We're going to clean out your closet this weekend. Lizzie told me that she knows someone who can make blankets with any items I want to keep and to keep my eyes open for any cool textures or prints or soft materials. I think that’s a really great idea so I'm excited about that. If there is someplace we shouldn't be looking or a drawer we shouldn't open could you send a sign or something. Because that would be quite embarrassing for everyone involved. Thanks!

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel