Full House

Yo -

The house is full again. Carly and Kahni are back again, and Grandma is going to stay for the weekend again as well. There is laughter and chatter and a general din of noise happening. If I close my eyes I can hear your voice amongst the noise. Your laughter mixed in with Kahni's and Randi's. And for a minute I'm fully happy and involved and not wanting and missing and wondering what the hell just happened to me.

Now though as the house is quite and I sit here listening to Meridith and Carly figure out how to turn the closed captioning off I'm emotionally exhausted. I've been holding it together for a while now and I want to let it out but I can't. I'll never get it back. My eyes are slowly filling with tears and i type this and I sniff trying to pass it off as just the stuffy nose I've had for the past couple of days. (I'm pretty sure they aren't buying it).

I've decided that I really enjoy washing dishes. It allows me a moment to decompress amongst the craziness of everything without raising any red flags. Everyone just thinks I'm washing dishes because it needs to be done, not that I actually like it. Although with this I've officially given my secret away.

I've done a pretty good job of avoiding everyone and everything except what was existing inside this house for the past week. Well this house and the 2 mile radius around our house which consists of Target, Chick-Fil-A, and Blockbuster. I know I need to venture out and slowly ease back into the swing of things but I'm not quite there yet. Or at all really but I guess no time like the present. Whatever. Who ever has come up with those stupid one liners should be shot. They don't help anyone except the person who says them. But I'm pretty sure even after that person has said them they feel stupid - or at least they should I've decided.

Onto other earth shattering news - Meridith and I have finished our Sons of Anarchy marathon and are officially ready for season 3 which starts on Tuesday and I can't wait for it. I'm no excited. The season finale was really good - pretty unbelievable.  I'm chomping at the bit to see the season premiere. I'm pretty excited about House too. and Private Practice. There are a ton of shows actually. I don't think I've been this excited for Fall TV to come back since The West Wing was on TV and gun shots had just been heard at the Town Hall meeting.

OK - off to bed. Still not sleeping well so I need all the hours I can get to toss and turn in the hopes that some of them will equal sleep. Plus Sex and the City the movie is on in the background and I'm truly not a fan of Jennifer Hudson - at all. Moving on.

Love you forever, Miss you always,
Rachel