Fine, shine, mine, design, line, pine, nine...

Hi –

Do you think people believe me when I say ‘I’m fine?’ Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Maybe I'll just say words that rhyme with fine when people ask me from now on. I think I'm going to try that. I'll let you know how it goes.

So I tried to cry today. Try’s not exactly the right word. What happened was I got an amazing card in the mail that was so perfect not only because it said the right things, but because it was completely perfect for my relationship with the person who sent it. So as I was reading it I started to get choked up. And I thought, I’m alone in my room I’m going to go with this and just let it out, but nothing came out. There were a couple tears and then nothing. For once in my life I’m not the crier. If I was watching the last month and a half of my life played out as a lifetime movie I would be bawling.  I would be crying so loudly that I’m sure Honey would come check on me, and then roll her eyes at my ridiculousness. But the real me, the one who is experiencing the things has got nothing to shed. Its like my tear ducts are sitting next to the Sahara Dessert and I was able to squeeze some tears out in the beginning but now nothing.

Everything you read about coping with grief says that crying actually really helps, because it’s an outward expression of what you are going through. Well genius’ what about those who can’t cry? What should I do now?

And now – onto another guest blog. Here is the card I received in the mail. It’s so perfect I wanted to share it with you. If said person would prefer I take it out, I have no doubt they will let me know.

Also, along with the card I received what is arguably the BEST mini-first aid kit EVER. The band aid it so awesome. I half-way want to hurt myself just so I can use one of them, and half want to keep them forever.

Love you forever, miss you always

Rachel

Winne the Pooh says, “There is something you must always remember; you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” And Piglet says, “It is hard to be brave, when you’re only a very small animal.” But then Pooh walks with Piglet and holds her hand, and sometimes says comforting things and before they know it they’ve made it through the day and they’ve stood up bravely to life and heffalumps and are stronger for it. 

I have no idea of the grief and pain you are feeling right now. But I love you so much and I am…broken, aching for you.  And I am standing next to you every single day. In thought, in prayer, and in any way you or I can think of to support, sustain, and shore up and protect you and your big heart and your little body, and incredibly life you have ahead of you. Sometimes you’re the Pooh, and sometimes I am. Today I’m Pooh and I love you so much.