Last thoughts from high on a cloud…for a while anyway

Hi Lady –

I’m back on a plane at the moment. It’s my last for a while, that I know of anyway. The next flight I’m planning is for Matt’s wedding, but who knows where the next 3 months will take me. I plan on getting my passport renewed, so once that’s done the world is once again my oyster.

The past week has been insane. Literally. I had my last day at WB. It was definitely one of the more surreal moments in my life to date. It’s been my only job until now. It’s been my home for 5 years. Everyday I walked off the elevator, I knew what to expect; for the most part anyway. I knew Ila would be there, Elissa, Nevin, etc. I got a little teary eyed saying goodbye, I’m not going to lie about that. I also had my first thoughts of, ‘Oh my god! Did I do the right thing.’ They had to come sooner or later though, right. I guess it would have been really weird if I never had them. But I know I’m doing the right thing. Somewhere.

That night after saying goodbye Todd and Ila took me to a delicious last meal in NYC. Then I spent one more night on their couch before Sara came and got me and we went out to Jersey. I spent my last night in the NYC area at Rab’s house, which was important for me to do. That was the place I wanted to leave from. The last memories I wanted to have of living in the city.

The reason Sara came to get me was because we drove to Ohio for Shayan and Seema’s wedding, and it was amazing. Everyone at least once in his or her life should go to a full on Indian wedding. We 100% did dance in the streets, we had police escorts, and were lead by an SUV that had a sound system blaring music for us. The customary white horse that Shayan was supposed to arrive on was replaced by Seema’s Dads 1977 corvette, not a bad trade. I ate my face off, and then kept eating. Then I watched both of their families perform choreographed dances, 2 of them. It was epic. Again, totally recommend it.

I managed to listen to my first book on tape during our drive; you should be excited about that. I’m sure the fact that it was Tina Fey’s book “Bossypants” and she’s the reader had more to do with it, than me suddenly becoming a lover of books on tape. The book is amazing though. I’m now fully convinced that I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up, and I also want Sara to be her as well so that I can be best friends with myself, because she’s that awesome, and the book was that funny. I literally laughed my way across I-80 west.

Your birthday came and went. Did you do anything for it where you are? I hope so. I imagined you drinking the day away with Rue McClanahan and Dixie Carter. I know I would enjoy that myself. I celebrated your birthday by watching Prince William and Kate get married. I was oddly interested in it. Besides the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic, there was something about it. She looked beautiful, and together they looked relaxed, it was just nice to watch. Plus because I really am a girl, I of course had to see her dress when she first stepped out of the car.

I went to Target with Sara at one point and she was shopping for her Mothers Day card. I thought I would be really upset about the whole thing, but at the moment I’m not. I was looking for a card for grandma and I read one where the sentiment was that the grandma in the card liked her grandkids better than her actual kid, and the grandkid says, ‘don’t worry I won’t tell you know who.’ Meaning the mom or dad of the kid. I thought to myself, hmm that would be a really shitty card to get, and just kept looking, totally un-phased. I wonder if it’s because I’ve psyched myself up to be upset, that now I can’t actually get upset. I read somewhere that the anticipation of something is always worse that the reality of it. I also think I might be a little hardened inside. Maybe hardened isn’t the right way to say it, lets try that I’ve become cold. I know the right things to say in sad situations, and I say them, but there’s rarely feeling behind them. I would imagine its because I can’t get past my own sad situation that no one else compares. Not that I should be comparing situations. Grief is different for every person, and should never be compared. See – there I go. Totally know the right things to say, but I don’t believe them at all. If in some twisted moment I was playing a game of lets compare grief, I think I should win.

The plane I’m on right now is taking me to Fort Lauderdale where I will spend 2 days before driving to Orlando for good. Pretty exciting I think. My 2 days in Fort Lauderdale are going to be pretty exciting too. Ila will be down so I’m going to take her to crickets for a sandwich. I’m going to step foot into a Catholic Church to get some form filled out for Matt so he can get married to Lauren. I might even go through some of my stuff at the house and take it up to Orlando. That would make Dad really happy.

Oh also, I got my first speeding ticket, awesome huh? And in Ohio, so of course I have to pay it instead of fight it because unfortunately I’m unable to attend my court date on May 16^th. The really awesome part about the whole thing is that the ticket is for going 80 in a 70. I know I’m a total speed demon. What was I thinking?

I’m going to attempt to sleep for the last hour of my flight. I think now that I’m getting back into being in one place, and having a routine I’ll be writing more again. It was just my crazy schedule the last few weeks. I haven’t slept in the same bed for longer than 2 days for over a week now. Good thing I’m such an excellent sleeper.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

“…Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes bolder, children get older

I'm getting older too, well…”

Thoughts from high on a cloud

Hi –

I’m on what is going to be the first of many plane rides this week. I’m on my way to Fort Lauderdale right now. Then on Thursday I'm going to fly to LA for Hanon’s wedding. My final flight on this trip is back to NYC on Monday where I will finish out my two weeks in the city before moving to Orlando. Yikes – it’s coming up fast.

I always write on planes. There’s something about being on a plane, its like having found time. You can’t really be doing anything else except hanging out with yourself. You either listen to music, (which I'm currently doing – thank you iTunes and the new Adele CD) read, sleep, or basically any quiet relaxing one-person activity. It’s nice though. There’s also this false sense of being alone. It’s like your seat is your own little world. And even though other people can see what your doing, you think they can’t and that your invisible. It’s a bit of the same feeling as being at the movies. You know you are watching with other people, but its dark and you think they can’t see or hear you. That’s why its one of the only places a lot of people cry. There’s a safety there. You are having this shared experience with the other people in the theater. For that moment in time you are all watching the same thing, doing the same thing, sharing this moment. I love going to the movies.  I’m rambling sorry.

Dad’s picking me up at the airport and then we have to go to Crickets because my car is there. I’m excited because I want to see it, but shhh don’t tell him I had a sandwich at the airport. Although he reads this so he will know, but lets pretend. I’ll have more chances to eat there so I’m not worried about it. Maybe ill eat one of his garlic pickles though, or taste the potato salad. Oh man, or have a fountain soda! We shall see. The world is my oyster, I can eat whatever I want.

This is true though, the world is my oyster. I have a ton of plans for the 5 seconds I’m at home, and I’m looking forward to all of them. Lets hope I stay that way though. The last time I had plans I was looking forward too I had a complete melt down.  Wish me luck that doesn’t happen this time, because that would suck. Seeing as how one plan is a job interview, and another is a dinner I’ve been looking forward too.

I’m going to go curl up into a ball in my seat and finish listening to the Adele CD, which so far is pretty amazing, and play some Sudoku.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

PS – in an interesting and telling turn of events I was cleaning up the desktop of my computer and I have a picture of you sleeping on the couch and Jake laying next to you that I stole off Dad’s phone. I moved it to my pictures folder, and then tried to delete the one from my desktop in an attempt to not have any icons on there, and I can’t. It keeps telling me it’s locked.