Oodles and oodles of quotes, oh my!

Hi –

All week I keep hearing the same e.e. cummings quote in my head, “Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root... and the bud of the bud... and the sky of the sky of a tree called life...” It’s from the poem ‘I Carry Your Heart’ which I’ve always loved and had Skip read at your funeral. Only this one part is haunting me though.

I think its because I’m reaching the point where I’m almost ready to talk about my feelings. Maybe. I think anyway. I can feel them bubbling up. I think the biggest sign is that I’m having more bad days than good lately. More often than not I can’t shake the sadness.

I’m pretty scared though. I have a feeling once I finally open up, there will be ugly things that come out. Ugly and hurtful. So that should be a ton of fun. That’s part of the reason I haven’t written as much lately. I’m finding myself following the old adage, ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,’ so silence ensues.

Kahni gave me the following quote "Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er the fraught heart and bids it mean." She must have known.

But so did good ole Stephen King…” "The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."”

So with all that, yeah there is a lot going on in my head.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

And it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)”