Some things never change…

Hi –

Every day in NYC I would walk home from work and when I would get to the intersection of 50th and 7^th avenue I would get this pit in my stomach.  I would bob and weave around tourists to walk closer to the street and make it past the corner faster, all the while listening to my iPod. Always with the thought that on a different day in a different time I would have been talking to you.

Now every day I get in my car after work, tired, and wanting nothing more than to collapse on my couch but knowing I have a 30 minute drive ahead, I pull it together and start the car. As I turn out of my office parking lot I’m always overwhelmed with the need to talk to you on the phone. Not because I have anything worthwhile to say, but because no matter what I had to say you would have listened, and cared. Or done a really good job pretending. Instead I take a deep breath and turn the radio louder to drown out the thoughts in my head. Sometimes it works, and sometimes nothing works.

There might have been a part of me that thought if I changed the routines, if I changed the desk I sat at everyday and talked to you, if I changed the bed I sat on and talked to you, if I changed the commute home, if I changed the home then part of me might change too.

Oh, how wrong was I.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel