Sleeping pill induced ramblings

Hi –

I’m laying in my bed waiting for the sleeping pills I took to take affect and I have so many thoughts running around in my head. There are too many to make sense of, or to begin to put them down on paper. So many feelings I’m having.

I’m going home on Saturday for the first time. It’s the first time to me. First time since it’s all became real. The last time I was home, you had just died and I hadn’t processed it all. Not saying I have now, but this is a planned visit.  A visit full of plans. A visit meant to make new memories, and uphold old ones. To start new traditions, and keep old ones. To make the old traditions mine.

Here’s hoping I remember where everything is in the kitchen for the Hanukkah party.

Love you forever, Miss you always.

Rachel

“I'm awake in the afternoon

I fell asleep in the living room

And it's one of those moments

When everything is so clear

Before the truth goes back into hiding

I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding

To work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend

Tell me now; tell me how to make amends

Maybe, I need to see the daylight

To leave behind this half-life

Don’t you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right

This is just a half-life

Is there really no escape?

No escape from time

Of any kind

I keep trying to understand

This thing and that thing, my fellow man

I guess I'll let you know

When I figure it out

But I don't mind a few mysteries

They can stay that way it's fine by me

And you are another mystery I am missing

It takes so much out of me to pretend

Maybe, I need to see the daylight

To leave behind this half-life

Don’t you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right

This is just a half-life

Is there really no escape?

No escape from time

Of any kind

Wake me, let me see the daylight

Save me from this half-life

Let’s you and I escape

Escape from time”