Randomness is a float this evening.

Hey Mom,

It’s been a day or two since I’ve written anything of consequence. Sorry about that. It’s half I’ve been super busy, halfway still processing how strange therapy was on Wednesday. I suppose had I sat down and written something I would have processed it all quicker, but too bad life took over.

I’m currently in San Fran hanging out with Matt and Lauren. No baby yet though. He’s taking his time. I’m sure he has some sort of plan going on; too bad he’s the only one who knows what it might be.

Tonight was Brian and Allison’s Rehearsal Dinner. It was nice – the food was good. The overall evening was a good one. There was one moment, Nat was giving his Father of the Groom speech which was really really good, but it definitely hit a spot with us all. The subject was how it’s important that not only should you marry someone you love, but it should also be someone who is your best friend. He then went on to talk about how Brian and Paula are best friends, so naturally all I thought of was how you and I were best friends. I held it together through the speech and into the bathroom and thought I was good to go. When I came out of the restroom Rab was standing at the window so I made a beeline for her and we hugged and cried. Then Dad came up and we all three hugged and cried, it was nice. Then we also picked up Brian at some point and it was just one big hug fest. I’m sure we looked awesome to a passerby.

So my latest appointment with Dr. Lee was meh to say the least. When you first walk in she asks ‘What do you want to talk about today?’ and the thing is I don’t want to talk. Or I mean I guess I do want to talk which is why I’m there, but I don’t really WANT to talk. I need prompting I guess. I wonder if there are people out there who spend all their time between appt’s thinking about what they are going to say during their next appointment. But that’s not me; I’m not spending my time thinking about it. Maybe that’s the problem, I should be I guess. Or at least have some sort of idea what I want to talk to her about, but I’ve got nothing and now I'm ramble typing.

I was talking to Lauren today about this and she made a good point. She said that it’s different because I’m not going to therapy because I have a problem, or because I need some fixing of some kind. I’m going because I just had this life changing event happen to me and I’m attempting to work through it. She also stressed that I shouldn’t write off therapy all together, perhaps just find a different therapist. Who knows, only time will tell.

That’s such a stupid platitude/saying – only time will tell. What does that really mean? Obviously its that the truth of whatever the situation is will be revealed as time goes on, but I'm not sure I 100% agree. I mean with time I could sink further and further into denial, who knows. Only time will tell, insert massive eye roll.

On a completely unrelated note it was brought to my attention today that Rab, Lizzie, and Lulu all have real names that start with E – Ellen, Elizabeth, and Estella – and none of them go by their full real names, interesante. Lizzie had these really nice E scrabble tiles made into necklaces for them, and I Rab was wearing her’s today. That’s how I found out.

I’m going to head to bed now. Its late, and I’m sure I’m going to be woken up earlier than I would like tomorrow.

Love you forever, miss you always

Rachel