Baby in progress

Hi –

As of right now Lauren is in labor but still no official baby yet.  It’s quite insane if you ask me. Who knew it took so long. I guess every mother on the planet knows that it could take this long.  (and in the course of writing this, Matt texted – they are going in for a C-Section)

Um – Also while I am writing this I saw a commercial for a show on TLC called ‘Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss.’ I’m offended by it to be honest. Why do they need their own show? How come they can’t be on the regular ‘Say Yes to the Dress?' Why do they need to be singled out? The name of the original show wasn't 'Say Yes to the Dress: Thin Brides.' I should write them a letter.

I’ve gone from not really having any thoughts swirling around in my head to being completely obsessed with thinking how I don’t understand how this happened. Its not angry thoughts just complete and utter dumb-foundedness. I constantly find myself saying things like ‘weird, how is this possible? How is this my life right now? What do you mean I can’t talk to you? Hmmm.’ I’m just completely and honestly perplexed by the situation I find myself in.

I had a session with Dr. Lee today. She’s a lovely woman and I think she’s probably good at her job, but I don’t think she’s it for me.  I just don’t think we clique very well. When I first walk in she asks ‘What do you want to talk about today.’ And the truth is nothing.  I don’t WANT to talk about anything.  Isn’t part of her job to ask leading questions? Well, I don’t feel that way about it.  Also, she brings everything back to being a possible reason for me not having a boyfriend. Trying to find out why I’ve never had one, and why I’m not currently seeking one out. I explained to her that its not that I don’t want one, or that I’m closed off to one but that I don’t actively seek it out.  And anytime we get into something she always some how brings it back there. I could say the sky was blue, and I’m pretty sure her next question would be, well do you think the fact that you believe that is the reason you don’t have a boyfriend? For shits and giggles I should say ‘yes’ next time she asks to see what her reaction would be. That’s probably not something you should think and or want to do to your therapist.

I could also just not like therapy too, that’s possible. I don’t feel like there is something I would tell Dr. Lee and not one of my friends, so who knows.

I still see you in all the images I have in my head of what my future will look like. I wonder how long you’ll be there. I hope forever, I like you there.

Love you forever, miss you always.

Rachel