TiVo...oh how you're amazing.

Hi,

So something went wrong with my Tivo and now Seema and I are being forced to watch Sons of Anarchy live, if you can believe that. I'm not sure what this world is coming too. Live TV, and you're gone. Its all backwards if you ask me.

Having your smell around me all day was actually nice, not at all creepy. Not sure I'll wear it everyday, but definitely when I'm missing you and on special occasions.

I talked to Matt yesterday. The baby is still safely tucked away, holding off making his arrival known. Although, I would imagine you'd probably know before the rest of us when he was finally ready to make his appearance known. Grandma thinks he's holding off till Saturday, I think that is definitely plausible. I do believe that sometimes people are waiting for something. I think that's what happened with Grandma Henny. We were all gathered around her bedside for days, but as soon as we all left and went back to our lives and weren't there anymore she was gone. I think that was the way she wanted it. Granted this theory definitely only applies in certain situations.

Tomorrow I have my first therapy/grief counseling session. Not sure how I feel about it. I know its something I should do, and that's why I'm doing it, but at the same time I can't imagine that this woman is going to tell me anything that I haven't already said to myself. That's probably the completely wrong attitude to go into it with - but its the one I have at the moment. Yes shes going to have an unbiased opinion and outlook on things, but right now I can't imagine what she is going to say to me. Yes I know its not my fault. Yes I know there was nothing that we could have done differently. Yes I know that everything happens for a reason. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I wonder what other cliches and platitudes she will have for me. I'll let you know as soon as I hear them.

So I've been writing this during commercial breaks for Sons of Anarchy, and man this watching TV live thing is for the birds. How did we ever exist before TiVo and DVR? and lets make sure we don't go back there. I'm in the home stretch though. There is only 15 minutes left in the episode - that should really only translate into 1 more commercial break. Of course, then I'll be in the position of having to wait a full week before the next episode is on. Whatever will I do. Probably bitch and moan all week.

I'm going to sign off now. Leave this entry as light hearted. They don't all have to be downers.

I'll write tomorrow, after my session with Dr. Lee.

Love you forever, miss you always.
Rachel