Hi –
Remember me, it’s your
long lost daughter. I’ve been quiet for quite some time now. Birthday Blues are
bringing me out of hiding. In less then 48 hours I shall turn 28. I think I’m
dreading 28 the way that most people dread 30 or even 40. I can’t really explain why I’m dreading
it, but I just am.
I’ve somehow managed to
put all this pressure on myself that things should happen to me in the coming
year. That at 28 things should be different, feel different. That I will somehow
magically feel like an adult. Be an adult. Do adult things. What those adult
things are, or what being an adult really means I have no idea. But here I am
putting pressure on myself.
When in actual reality I
will wake up on June 28th and everything will be exactly the
same. Exactly. Then before I know
it 6 months will have passed, my life will look exactly the same, and nothing
will have changed. Nothing will feel different. I wont feel any closer to being
an adult. I won't feel any closer to figuring out my life. But yet, I will have
lived 6 more months in some sort of haze waiting to feel something.
I do feel this weird
cyclical nature to my life at the moment though. I’m currently sitting on the
couch watching Bunheads a new TV show by Amy Sherman-Palladino, the creator of
Gilmore Girls. While also being super excited about Aaron Sorkin’s new TV show
Newsroom. Just yesterday I was watching Gilmore Girls and excited about Studio
60 on the Sunset Strip. Here’s
hoping Newsroom lasts longer then Studio 60, because I still haven’t gotten
over that heart break.
I digress. So yeah –
Wednesday, my birthday. 28. An even number. A multiple of 2 and 14. 4 and 7.
That’s all I got. My
birthday. Wednesday. Dreading it.
Love you forever, Miss
you always.
Rachel
“…You're a fraud and you know it
But it's too good to throw it all away
Anyone would do the same
You've got 'em going
And you're careful not to show it
Sometimes you even fool yourself a bit
It's like magic
But it's always been a smoke and mirrors game
Anyone would do the same…”
