Who will I see Bette Midler with now?

Hi –

I had another dream last night that was about you and the big gapping hole I now have in my life, heart, general being. All I know is that I was in my room at home, but it looked like my room in NYC and I was searching for something to wear to an event about you. It wasn’t your funeral, or what seemed to be an unveiling. What I sort of remember was we were going somewhere where there was going to be a button that was going to be lit that had your name on it, and people could press it. Pushing the button didn’t cause anything to happen, but it was just a way for people to remember you. They could go to this place (don’t ask me where it was going to be) and press this button. That’s all I remember, I was trying to get dressed and I couldn’t find anything to wear.

After this dream I proceeded to toss and turn all night long, maybe getting a total of 2 or 3 hours of sleep at most. I’m sure Carly was really glad she was sleeping next to me at this point. I also repeatedly woke up thinking I was hearing something crashing down to the floor and would yell at Carly about it. Apparently it was nothing at all. Also – who knew how much noise my room makes at night. My bed creaks like it was built 800 years ago, and not made on an assembly line by Ikea 3 years ago. My TV makes a buzzing noise, and my DVD player gets a radio transmission if the wires are all plugged in. Perhaps this is you haunting me. I would think you would want me to get my beauty rest though, so perhaps we could come up with a better way to let me know you’re around. You could have a Trisha Yearwood song start randomly playing, that would be cool.

I’m headed home from work now, where I will eat a real meal instead of cereal – you would be proud.

Love you forever, miss you always

Rachel

If the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking

and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now I'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now I'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter

'cause if you're not really here
then I don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
black and gold

I look up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
I see nothing but black

I feel a way of something beyond them
I don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now I'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter

'cause if you're not really here
then I don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
black and gold